A prophecy

Hearken, O ye seekers of wisdom, for I have communed with the gods of trade. Verily, they have once more cast their vile spittle upon me. Mine eyes, enshrouded with their unclean saliva, were opened unto the truth. Lo, they spake unto me, and in mine accursed plight did reveal unto me a realm of boundless possibility—a vast ocean of failures and improbable designs. Henceforth, I know the one true verity. Fear not, for this vision is no idle fancy but a prophecy divinely ordained.

Be it known: this is not counsel for thy investments.
I am but the humbleth clown of the realm.